POLYGAMY: SHOULD WE LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, MAYBE IT WILL MAKE SOME SENSE – Rabiu Afeez

Now let’s take away all our bias and ideosyncracy be it religious, traditional, ethincal or cultural as we peruse this opinion piece. With this I intended not to persuade anyone or advocate polygamy, I am only sharing different view of things to add to the diverse opinion people have on the issue.

The popular notion is ” I can never share my bed with another woman ” is your bed all that you cant share?, is sex that Mk sacred?, or maybe you are just being jealous or feeling insecure that your husband might love her as much as he loves you, then that’s jealousy, it’s High time we treat it as a bad thing and keep away from it. Maybe we should look beyond our selfish interest on this particular issue  before taking our stance on it.

In as much as I am indifferent on the concept of polygamy, I have always been an adent advocate of ‘free will’, allowing people make decisions concerning their life particularly and only support with advice based on personal experience and hope they make the best choices.

I had a new perception to the issue of polygamy after an experience I would later narrate in the course of this write up happened. I personally did a survey after I realized that the experience was complete and a lesson had been learnt by the victim of the event. I questioned a number of single matured ladies and some married women about their opinion on having a married man as their husband or have their husband take in a new wife all bounding around polygamy, every nine of ten of them all were glaringly not receptive to the idea and even the few that were don’t really understand the basis of their choice but just made it for the sake of being different.

The idea that every new wife is in with an intent of destruction of the home is what most of us have engraved in our mind, “why on earth would my own husband be her choice of man when other men are out there”… That’s the most common of all statements ladies make. Why don’t we choose to look at things from a different perspective and try judge ourselves the way we judge others…

I visited a friend whose religion supports fully the idea of polygamy but he chooses to act modeatbinnhis own saying by staying out with a wife and just two kids even if he had enough to cater for more than one wife if he chooses to have. Bro Isah as I fondly call him is a calm gentle man who shares some views with me on issues which made us clivk and I must say we talk alot.

On this particular visit, I wouldn’t say I ranbout of topics to discuss with him but I myself didn’t know what pushed me to this topic even in the presence of any Aisha the wife who was about serving lunch , I said in a rather bold convincing voice which I was later shocknof when the utterance came from, ‘ bro, when are now thinking of taking in another wife , or you have never thought of it, I guess that was the last statement I made there that day as the wife took it up from there not taking things too lightly and not even giving the husband a chance of giving me a response. She flared up badly and said all sorts that u can imagine, and warned me not to corrupt his husband with my bad company and told me not to come visiting again which I adhere to.

Later that evening Bro Isah called me to apologize for his wife’s actions and I said it was OK but he never gave his stance on the question bi asked and that ended out conversation which after we lost touch for about a year and a half.

I only got to hear from a brother later this year that bro Isah died  months ago and I was shocked as the memory of our last contact lingers in me, I felt so bad I had to visit but was told on getting there that the family moved out after the incident. Just last week at igando market, I saw ant Aisha , the wife to bro Isah, with her two girls by her side and a little baby straped to her back, she saw me first and called on me and after the greetings that took a long while we had to leave the crowdybmarket place to have a really long discussion which we did over food around igando there…

Her story was touching as I allowed her do the talking, her husband had died of an illness that took alot of his possessions, his job and many of his belongings sonmuch that not much was left for the family after his death, the wife lamented on not getting support from family members and I couldn’t help but teared after she made this statement, ” at my tender age, I’m going to be a widow all my life, abi which single man would want to start up his life with me after three kids or which will take me into his home’.

Then it downed in me she did not remember our last encounter and what led to my distance from the family because she also accused me of neglecting the family for a long time.

After this happening, I took my time to think about this issue of polygamy, reasons that can demand for it and some excusable reasons why it should be an option. If only we can take out the selfishness in us or atleast put all things into consideration before taking stance on issues of this kind.

The pole is in, state your stand on this issue.

Afeezolawale@gmail.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *